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I gaze into your
crystalline eyes and
wish I could turn back the
clock
to the time when
you loved me
as much as I loved  
you.

(but you always say that clocks
can't be turned back.
I wonder  
if you're right.)

Malicious smiles and
greedy words;
you're not the person
you started out
to be.  
I miss  
who you were
before this all went
downhill.  

I never noticed before now
but I miss the
sweet whispers of,
"I love you,"
and your eyes;
your beautiful eyes.  

Rewinding time
would be so much easier
than all this regret
I keep pent up inside
and all the memories
I force myself  
to lock away.

(I keep them locked tight
in the locket you gave me.)
This is a collab with me and :iconlosingmyfaith:

Hope you enjoy it... and check her out :) Like, right now!
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The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconfarari:
farari Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
Beautiful, I am very impressed. X.x
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: Thanks :heart:
Reply
:iconfarari:
farari Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
My pleasure =D
Reply
:icondynamitehackr416:
dynamitehackr416 Featured By Owner May 23, 2009
I love it. I don't know what else to say to it.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner May 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconkochany-deszcz:
kochany-deszcz Featured By Owner May 4, 2009
ohh so beautiful, especially the last stanza. I can totally relate to it :(
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
*for once I can actually take credit for the part someone liked :giggle:* :heart: Thanks soo much :)
Reply
:iconkochany-deszcz:
kochany-deszcz Featured By Owner May 4, 2009
:heart: no problem, and yay! because it indeed was my favorite part. :D
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:w00t:
Reply
:iconsimplysamwise:
simplysamwise Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
"Malicious smiles and
greedy words;
you're not the person
you started out
to be.
I miss
who you were
before this all went
downhill."

oh, boy. I can relate to this!

but the entire poem is great.
great job.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You can blame :iconlosingmyfaith: for those words :giggle:

I love them. And this was soo much fun to write! Thanks for the comment!!!
Reply
:iconsimplysamwise:
simplysamwise Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Aah.
No problem. =]
Reply
:icondaughterofzion:
DaughterofZion Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009   Writer
...Wow. I love this. You both did an excellent job.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle: Thanks soo much! :heart:
Reply
:iconliving4him:
living4him Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009
Sadly, I do not like it as much as everyone else. It is sad. I thought it would be a happier poem. :/ Ugh. Not really your style either. Sorry Jake. :( Don't hate me.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Hey it's ok. It's very sad (how is that not my style?) But it is a collab.
Reply
:iconliving4him:
living4him Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009
Your style is very free flowing, mind probing, and somewhat out there writing. This isn't it. Isn't you, but then again it is a collab. I hope I didn't sound to rough. >.<
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
>.< It is a collab. I think the total number of words is less than half mine.
Reply
:iconliving4him:
living4him Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2009
:P What part did you write?
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I gaze into your
crystalline eyes and
wish I could turn back the
clock
to the time when
you loved me
as much as I loved
you.

(but you always say that clocks
can't be turned back.
I wonder
if you're right.)


Malicious smiles and
greedy words;
you're not the person
you started out
to be.
I miss
who you were
before this all went
downhill.

I never noticed before now
but I miss the
sweet whispers of,
"I love you,"
and your eyes;
your beautiful eyes.


Rewinding time
would be so much easier
than all this regret
I keep pent up inside
and all the memories
I force myself
to lock away.

(I keep them locked tight
in the locket you gave me.)
*bold parts*
Reply
:iconliving4him:
living4him Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2009
you wrote the non bolded parts right?
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
No. I wrote the bold parts.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconchocolatemuack:
chocolatemuack Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009
SO BEAUTIFUL!! LOVE IT!! :iconiluplz:
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: :iconheartgiggle:

Thanks so much from myself and ~losingmyfaith
Reply
:iconwhydoidothiseveryday:
very beautiful, and i can relate to it which is always good in poetry
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: thanks!
Reply
:iconjinssoulinwriting:
JinsSoulinWriting Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
whoa, deep. me like. ^^ it moved me.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: :giggle:
Reply
:iconone-yellow-flower:
One-Yellow-Flower Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009   Writer
amazing!
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :giggle:
Reply
:iconjeannie64:
jeannie64 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009  Professional Writer
cant critique properly hon but ill note you a critique as ive no sub , great poem just needs a few loose words changed or removed , is that ok with you if you note me the poem ill edit for you see what you think of it no harm done if you do not like my editing critique hon , im just wanting to help where i may or can with your approval xxj:hug::)great poem
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:D absolutely!
Reply
:iconjeannie64:
jeannie64 Featured By Owner May 25, 2009  Professional Writer
:icongwomp::hug::)xxxxxxxxj
Reply
:iconxxladouleurexquisexx:
xxladouleurexquisexx Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
aww beautiful & emotional :heart:

:clap: I love it
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :iconheartgiggle:
Reply
:iconxxladouleurexquisexx:
xxladouleurexquisexx Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009   Writer
Oh, wow. You guys did a collab.
That's fantastic since I think you both are amazing.
Which means that this is so lovely I can't even tell you how much I love it.
:heart:
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:blushes: Thanks :heart:
Reply
:iconalovelymeinside:
ALovelyMeInside Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
Awwwws, so beautiful and sad. I love it. Great work.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconartistic-writer:
artistic-writer Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It's very beautifully sad! You did a nice job!:D
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle: Thanks so much from both of us!
Reply
:iconartistic-writer:
artistic-writer Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You both are welcome!:)
Reply
:iconleslie-elizabeth:
Leslie-Elizabeth Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009
Wow, I like this a lot.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :heart:
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Student Writer
I think we did pretty good XD. haha.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe :iconheartgiggle:
Reply
:iconpassiongrace:
PassionGrace Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow.Sad but really beautiful. =)
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconxxmychemanimexx:
xxMyChemAnimexx Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009
I gaze into your
crystalline eyes


It's gorgeous <3 :]
Reply
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April 22, 2009
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