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Submitted on
November 12, 2012
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My life's pieces are without a puzzle.
My soul laid to rest in a grave of memories;
all I have left to forget.

But out of the ashes a fire will spring;
out of darkness new light is born.

From shadows I arise!
With wings of the phoenix I awake
To soar across the morning dawn.
:heart: (First drafts are always difficult, because they never feel ready.)

Second drafts are even more difficult. It is hard to remember a vision once lost. I reworked the opening stanza of this piece a fair amount.
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:iconladykylin:
That's becuase they aren't I think. But when is anything really ready.

I love the imagery you've got working here. It's quite vivid. But I think the clashing tenses in the first two lines creates a jaring effect in a bad way. I personally(and it's your poetry so this advice may not suit I'm no expert) would have have faded away, and are dead, Then the present tense in the later verses will have that much more umph.

Even in it's rough form it's quite enjoyable though.
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:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :heart: :)

I liked your suggestion. I also changed "a phoenix" to "the phoenix"
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:iconladykylin:
Your welcome, I'm glad I could help.
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:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Aug 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Mind re-reading this again? I changed the first stanza.
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:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ofcourse :heart:
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